That’s okay, though, because Usagi has rebooted at last, and now that she’s up and running again, Artemis wants to tell us a story about the Moon Kingdom, “ Silver Millennium,” who once fought a battle against The Evil Entity. While the best character on the show is dying, and the silliest character on the show is clinging to life in Evil ICU, and your blogger is picking her stomped heart off the floor, the Moonies continue to search for an exit from the Hell Dimension-oh, I’m sorry, the “sealed complex projective space.” Ami rattles off some SCIENCE at us, which involves briefly shattering the fourth wall by describing this as a “two-dimensional space” (provoking my only real laugh of the episode), all of which is a nonsensical way of saying that she can’t find the exit. And so Kunzite gives him a Shoujo Funeral, the single greatest send-off an anime character can receive.Īnd that, team, is how Sailor Moon broke me.
As the two exchange heartfelt farewells, Zoisite makes one last request: “I want to die in a beautiful way,” he says. Kunzite pleaded for leniency but Beryl refused, so now all he can do is cradle his beloved in his final moments. Usagi doesn’t have the memory to handle all this sudden data and starts freezing up. At any rate, Endymion and Serenity were all happy in the Moon Kingdom, until it caught fire, and then Endymion ran into the fire, and… That’s all we know, actually. It’s still a bit unclear, but it looks like Princess Serenity was in love with a guy called Endymion, who is Tuxedo Mask, who is Mamoru, and geez, people, how many more names am I gonna have to memorize, here? I’ve read Russian novels with fewer character names than this. Then she goes wandering down memory lane. Zoisite really doesn’t care WHO she is, but when he tries to take back the Silver Crystal, Usagi casually uses her own Moon Disco Powers to toss him into a wall.
In case there was any doubt, Luna and her Moon Disco Powers inform us right off the bat that, yes, Usagi is Princess Serenity, the Moon Princess we’ve been looking for. The Recaps Episode 35 – For Whom The Beryl Tolls All I can do is retrace the journey for you, dear readers, and hope that in the writing of it I may find succor from the sorrow in my soul. If you were still wondering if I was invested in this show, I think it’s safe to say that I am. Angry, brainwashing, character-murdering crocodiles.
Turns out Sailor Moon is helmed by a bunch of sadistic bastards, so y’know that finish line we saw on the horizon? Yeah, it’s actually a mile farther back than we thought, and there’s a moat full of crocodiles between us and it. You’d think that finding the Moon Princess, the Legendary Silver Crystal, AND regaining a whole bucket-load of memories would lead to some power-ups, knockout punches, and a few happy endings, but HAHA, NO, THIS IS ‘90S SHOUJO WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, AND ‘90S SHOUJO RIPS OUT YOUR HEART AND TAP-DANCES ON THE LEFT VENTRICLE.
The Moon Princess has awakened, and everything is terrible.